Nesting

This baby’s gotta be coming soon. My feet are aching from standing all afternoon since  Tristan went down for his nap, but somehow I still can’t stop. My windows have been scrubbed of hand and mouth prints. If you know me, you’re quite aware that window cleaning is not a part of my regular repertoire. My cupboards have been purged and wiped out. For some reason, these tasks seem to carry the utmost importance. Somethin’s up.

Environmentally, we are on our way to being ready for the new arrival. Both home and hospital birth supplies are ready. The baby’s bag is packed. The tiny amount of gender neutral neutral (and some as-boy-as-you-can-get) clothes have been washed and placed in the dresser.

Physically, I think I’m about as ready as I’m going to be. I’ve read more birthing books that I can count and I don’t think I have it in me to practice any more hypno-birthing relaxation exercises.  This baby’s coming out one way or another!

Then there’s emotional readiness. That’s where I feel I still have a bit farther to go. I don’t know if I’m ready to be the mother of two children! Then again, I worried about how I would fare with the first, and  I think I’ve done a pretty good job. The fear of not loving my baby was clearly unfounded as there is no way I could love Tristan any more.

Yet my mind still traces it’s way around these fears this time around. What if I don’t love this new baby like I love Tristan? I fear the guilt that once this new being arrives, neither one of my children will get enough attention.

Thinking logically, I’m sure these fears are unfounded,  yet they are real none-the-less. I’ve heard other mothers talk about how their love just grew; they didn’t have to divide it among their children. I have faith that the same will prove true for me as well!

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